Friday, July 19, 2013

UNSTOPPABLE - Official Movie Website

UNSTOPPABLE - Official Movie Website

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Easter!


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

To Hell and Back... but, I'm Still Alive

It's been a rough couple of months, I was to hell and back a few times... I'm getting back to normal... well, as normal as you can with cancer!  Let's say, I'm stabilizing... at least I'm crossing my fingers that I'm stabilizing this time.  I said that a couple of weeks ago to someone, three days later I was in the hospital.

I'll be doing update posts as I can to get everybody up to speed... hopefully everyone hasn't given up on me and is still checking in on my blog from time to time.  Oh well...

I hope everyone out there is doing okay!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas


Sunday, December 16, 2012

More Photos Of My Cancerous Bump

These photos were taken on Dec 14, 2012... I had a CT scan earlier that day and when I took off my bra I must of scraped it open.  Mom decided to mark the border of it to show the growth... wish we thought of that as soon as we discovered it.

This photo was taken on Dec 15, 2012
Here's a couple of photos of the CT fluid injection site.
Lovely, huh?
I see my oncologist on Monday for the PET and CT scan results.  I also received a voicemail to set up an appointment for chemo... guess I'm starting a new chemo.  I think she said Ontak... just did a search, guess I heard correctly, though I'm not liking what I'm reading.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Cancer Update: 12/12/12

I know it's been awhile... so here we go!

Back in October, actually October 2nd, I went for my last chemo session for this round on Brentuximab... after this session we would do some scans and determine if I appeared in remission or if we should continue with the chemo.  The neuropathy in my fingers and toes were pretty bad; so my doctor talked me into not having the chemo that day, we would do a PET scan to determine if the cancer was still active and then decide if I could stop the chemo altogether or if we needed to just delay it, giving more time between sessions and giving my nerves a chance to recuperate.

She said she never had to talk a patient OUT of doing chemo before… I was concerned about the cancer coming back again.  When I finished the round of CHOP last year and was “declared” as “appears to be in remission”, it was two weeks and the cancer on my arm had reappeared, then a few weeks after that it appeared in the lymph node under my right arm again… also spreading into my chest area and into my bone marrow in the pelvic area.  So I had reason to be wary.

We were preparing for the PET scan when we were notified that Medicaid denied the request!  I received a letter from the panel of their decision by certified mail… we had to sign for it!  Unbelievable!!  This NEVER happened before… I had been on Medicaid for six months and had just been renewed on Sept 11th.  Evidently part of the change was the beginning implementations of Obamacare, such as the setting up of the “panels”.   So I guess Republicans were not wrong…  

 [A little background… last year my cancer had progressed and took a pretty bad turn in November.  In December I applied for Social Security Disability and Medicaid.  Up until this point I had been getting help through the hospital’s financial aid services, I lost my insurance when I was laid off in July 2011.  I was approved for SSD in January and approved for Medicaid in February.  My Medicaid deductible is $5400.00 every six months… so it’s kind of like having insurance.  Very expensive insurance… especially for someone on Disability.]

 So, my PET scan had been denied.  They informed us that we could do a CT scan.  We didn’t need a CT scan.  We needed a PET scan because the PET scan lights up the active cancer.  We were looking to see if the CANCER WAS ACTIVE so we could determine if I still needed the chemo or if I could take a break!  Since we didn’t have much choice, we did the CT.  It showed two irregularities, or nodules, or something… one in each side of my lung.  Slightly concerning… but not immensely. [When I was first diagnosed in 2004, the scans showed some nodules, one in each lung.  The doctors there assumed it was lung cancer and immediately put me at stage 4 and started CHOP chemo.  I had one dose and then moved here to NC; the doctor here stopped it immediately and said there hadn’t been enough testing.  It was determined to possibly be scar tissue from when I had a severe case of pneumonia in 1991.]  I thought maybe this is what was showing up this time also, my doctor doesn’t agree.  She says the scan I had earlier this year did not show this.  So now we’re up in the air… is it infection from a cold, was it the scar tissue and just a fluke that it didn’t show up in the last scan, or is it cancer that has traveled to my lungs??  Which would be WAY BAD!

Then I received another letter from the panel (certified mail, of course)… they also denied the physical therapy my doctor prescribed for the neuropathy.  WOW!!  I began to wonder if I was ever going to get approval from Medicaid for anything ever again.  I really felt as if I was getting left to die.  This was becoming unreal.

When I saw the P.A. on Nov 5th, there was discussion of symptoms coming back and I was informed that we were going to wait until January and do another CT, since Medicaid would not authorize the PET.  I was highly upset!  I had been off chemo since September… my symptoms were coming back in full force, the difficulty in breathing, shortness of breath, the wheezing, the pains, etc.  I told her I thought it was very much like playing with fire!  I have symptoms coming back, a possibility of it being in my lungs… and we’re gonna wait another couple of months??  Are you serious?  I’d hate to wait until January, do the scan, and then find out, SHIT, if only we scanned sooner, now it’s too late!  If only we had caught this sooner!  I mean REALLY?!  I DID NOT GET THAT AT ALL!  The P.A. told me she understood and went out to talk to the doctor.  It was decided that we would do the PET scan, but through the hospital financial aid services.  I thought, “Thank God!”  I believe it was the very next day that I received a voice message telling me that the doctor had changed her mind and that she didn’t want to see me until January.  I was shocked!!  I was dumbfounded!!  I was speechless!  After the initial shock wore off I became upset, angry, severely pissed off… HOW DARE THEY JEOPARDIZE MY LIFE!!  I wanted to cry, but I was so angry… I wanted to go down there and demand the scan; I was going to tell her that if we wait and the cancer spreads while they do nothing, then I was going to sue her freakin’ ass!!!  I was so upset and so angry that I ended up shutting down.  I couldn’t call, I was afraid of what would come out of my mouth.  I didn’t want to go running down there in fear of creating a major disturbance and having security called.  I contemplated getting a second opinion, and I thought about finding a new doctor.  But I adore my P.A.

I shut down for about two weeks… then I had something appear on my back.  This was taken on November 29, 2012.  *In some of the photos I marked some things that looked suspicious to me, they appear to be growing as well as it all progresses. They're just little bitty baby ones right now.
Okay, let’s back up a bit.  Right before I saw the P.A. back on Nov 5th, I had what appeared to be some kind of bite, like a huge mosquito or bug bite on my right arm.  Didn’t think much of it so didn’t mention it.  But now it had become perfectly circular, it was very pink and had a red line around the circumference that was a little indented.  In a way it looked like a burn, kind of like from a car lighter.  At one point, after a shower, the top layer of skin came off and it REALLY looked like a burn.  Very strange.  Wasn’t sure if it was cancer. 
Didn't photograph the first stage of the arm thing, the big bug bite stage, then it started to look like this.
Then, a few days later, after the shower it looked like this.
Then this thing popped out on my back.  This was the day before Thanksgiving.  I had an appointment with the P.A. on Dec 4th for Labs & Exam, figured I’d call and bump it up, then figured at this late time there probably wouldn’t be any openings.  So I called my family doctor.  She thought the one on my back looked like an infection, so she put me on antibiotics to clear it up.  I told her that mom removed a tick last year from approximately the same place, so she had blood work done also for Lyme disease and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, just in case.  Well, the antibiotics didn’t affect the one on my back at all, but the one on my arm started clearing up.  At this point I don’t know if it was the antibiotics, or it just running it’s course.  On Nov 29th I had mom take some photos of the one on my back… SOON AS I SAW IT I KNEW… I knew it was cancer!
Here it is on December 1, 2012
Here it is on December 10, 2012
 I saw the doctor on Dec 4th, told her I was fairly certain it was cancer.  She looked at it and agreed.  She said she also feels swollen nodes on the left side of my chest/arm area.  Said we needed another CT and a PET scan.  Just found out Monday that Medicaid approved the scans, thank God!  My PET scan is on Thursday and the CT is Friday.  I see the doctor on Monday, Dec 17th for the results and game plan. Still feeling uncertain about my doctor… feel a little betrayed and definitely feel that trust has been broken.  Will definitely need radiation, which I think we need to be moving a little faster on.  It has already grown substantially and I’ve found several new ones breaking out, they’re still tiny, but coming along just as fast.  We keep taking pictures every few nights to track the progress.  It is EXTREMELY fascinating to see it like this… my camera phone is AWESOME!!  Some really great high-def photos.  The little ones we couldn’t see with our eyes, we wouldn’t have known if we hadn’t taken the photos.  Then when I used the magnifier on them... WHOA!!!
You have to admit... it is a little fascinating, isn't it!?!

So that’s what’s been happening and where I’m at!  In the middle of all this right before and during Christmas… AGAIN!  Well, look at it this way… if the Mayan’s are correct and the world ends on 12/21… at least I won’t die from cancer and I won’t have to do this crap anymore!  Oh, that reminds me, I have a dental cleaning on 12/21… got to have clean teeth for the end of the world!  Flash those pearly whites!  :D

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Pravda Article: Obama re-elected by American illiterate society

Obama's Soviet Mistake
By Xavier Lerma

Putin in 2009 outlined his strategy for economic success. Alas, poor Obama did the opposite but nevertheless was re-elected. Bye, bye Miss American Pie. The Communists have won in America with Obama but failed miserably in Russia with Zyuganov who only received 17% of the vote. Vladimir Putin was re-elected as President keeping the NWO order out of Russia while America continues to repeat the Soviet mistake.

After Obama was elected in his first term as president the then Prime Minister of Russia, Vladimir Putin gave a speech at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland in January of 2009. Ignored by the West as usual, Putin gave insightful and helpful advice to help the world economy and saying the world should avoid the Soviet mistake.

Recently, Obama has been re-elected for a 2nd term by an illiterate society and he is ready to continue his lies of less taxes while he raises them. He gives speeches of peace and love in the world while he promotes wars as he did in Egypt, Libya and Syria. He plans his next war is with Iran as he fires or demotes his generals who get in the way.

Putin said regarding the military,

"...instead of solving the problem, militarization pushes it to a deeper level. It draws away from the economy immense financial and material resources, which could have been used much more efficiently elsewhere."

Well, any normal individual understands that as true but liberalism is a psychosis . O'bomber even keeps the war going along the Mexican border with projects like "fast and furious" and there is still no sign of ending it. He is a Communist without question promoting the Communist Manifesto without calling it so. How shrewd he is in America. His cult of personality mesmerizes those who cannot go beyond their ignorance. They will continue to follow him like those fools who still praise Lenin and Stalin in Russia. Obama's fools and Stalin's fools share the same drink of illusion.

Reading Putin's speech without knowing the author, one would think it was written by Reagan or another conservative in America. The speech promotes smaller government and less taxes. It comes as no surprise to those who know Putin as a conservative. Vladimir Putin went on to say:

"...we are reducing taxes on production, investing money in the economy. We are optimizing state expenses.

The second possible mistake would be excessive interference into the economic life of the country and the absolute faith into the all-mightiness of the state.

There are no grounds to suggest that by putting the responsibility over to the state, one can achieve better results.

Unreasonable expansion of the budget deficit, accumulation of the national debt - are as destructive as an adventurous stock market game.

During the time of the Soviet Union the role of the state in economy was made absolute, which eventually lead to the total non-competitiveness of the economy. That lesson cost us very dearly. I am sure no one would want history to repeat itself."

President Vladimir Putin could never have imagined anyone so ignorant or so willing to destroy their people like Obama much less seeing millions vote for someone like Obama. They read history in America don't they? Alas, the schools in the U.S. were conquered by the Communists long ago and history was revised thus paving the way for their Communist presidents. Obama has bailed out those businesses that voted for him and increased the debt to over 16 trillion with an ever increasing unemployment rate especially among blacks and other minorities. All the while promoting his agenda.

"We must seek support in the moral values that have ensured the progress of our civilization. Honesty and hard work, responsibility and faith in our strength are bound to bring us success."- Vladimir Putin

The red, white and blue still flies happily but only in Russia. Russia still has St George defeating the Dragon with the symbol of the cross on its' flag. The ACLU and other atheist groups in America would never allow the US flag with such religious symbols. Lawsuits a plenty against religious freedom and expression in the land of the free. Christianity in the U.S. is under attack as it was during the early period of the Soviet Union when religious symbols were against the law.

Let's give American voters the benefit of the doubt and say it was all voter fraud and not ignorance or stupidity in electing a man who does not even know what to do and refuses help from Russia when there was an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Instead we'll say it's true that the Communists usage of electronic voting was just a plan to manipulate the vote. Soros and his ownership of the company that counts the US votes in Spain helped put their puppet in power in the White House. According to the Huffington Post, residents in all 50 states have filed petitions to secede from the Unites States. We'll say that these Americans are hostages to the Communists in power. How long will their government reign tyranny upon them?

Russia lost its' civil war with the Reds and millions suffered torture and death for almost 75 years under the tyranny of the United Soviet Socialist Republic. Russians survived with a new and stronger faith in God and ever growing Christian Church. The question is how long will the once "Land of the Free" remain the United Socialist States of America? Their suffering has only begun. Bye bye Miss American Pie! You know the song you hippies. Sing it! Don't you remember? The 1971 hit song by American song writer Don McLean:

"And, as I watched him on the stage my hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in Hell could break that Satan's spell

And, as the flames climbed high into the night to light the sacrificial rite, I saw...
Satan laughing with delight the day the music died

He was singing, bye bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry

Them good ol' boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singing...
This'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die
So, the question remains:

How long will America suffer and to what depths?


Xavier Lerma
Contact Xavier Lerma at
His popular articles can be seen at
Hyperlink to Pravda is mandatory if you republish this article.


Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!  Hope you all are having a fine and thankful day.  Even though many have fallen on hard times in one way or another... we all still have at least one thing to be thankful for.  I'm thankful to still be alive, I'm thankful for my friends and family, and I'm especially thankful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

When I Say, "I Am A Christian"

When I Say, "I Am A Christian"
by Carol Wimmer

When I say, “I am a Christian”
 I’m not shouting, “I’ve been saved!”
 I’m whispering, “I get lost!
 That’s why I chose this way”

When I say, “I am a Christian”
 I don’t speak with human pride
 I’m confessing that I stumble -
 needing God to be my guide

When I say, “I am a Christian”
 I’m not trying to be strong
 I’m professing that I’m weak
 and pray for strength to carry on

When I say, “I am a Christian”
 I’m not bragging of success
 I’m admitting that I’ve failed
 and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, “I am a Christian”
 I don’t think I know it all
 I submit to my confusion
 asking humbly to be taught

When I say, “I am a Christian”
 I’m not claiming to be perfect
 My flaws are far too visible
 but God believes I’m worth it

When I say, “I am a Christian”
 I still feel the sting of pain
 I have my share of heartache
 which is why I seek His name

When I say, “I am a Christian”
 I do not wish to judge
 I have no authority
 I only know I’m loved

Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Chemo Update

They canceled my chemo last Tuesday... neuropathy is more severe than they are comfortable with. They are going to set up a scan for next week, to see if any active cancer cells are still showing, then we'll go from there. The delay, hopefully, will give my nerves a chance to heal a little.